I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
