this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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