I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
