he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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