I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize