I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
