when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize