I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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