I accidentally had phone sex last night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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