he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
