I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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