I am spending my child support on dildos
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
