that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
