Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
