New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
