After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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