Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
