I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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