I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
