biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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