I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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