come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
