He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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