Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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