5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
a search helicopter?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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