i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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