Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
