I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
