Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
