Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
