love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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