This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
