we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
