I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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