People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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