i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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