Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize