i think i have two assholes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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