She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
