chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
