By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he thought i was a dude.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
