I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize