Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize