I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
