I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
