it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
