i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
