I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
