So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
