We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
