he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
