hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
