She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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