i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
