You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
