I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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