if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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