Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
