I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
