the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
not ubering you a puppy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
