I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
