I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
