Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
