I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
