Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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