Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
