I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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