plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
