There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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