I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
