I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
