Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
