He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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